Ashes to Ashes

what’s playing::Memory – Elaine Paige::
moodflash:: subdued


Leadened feet carrying her on her journey,
The heat from the pavement searing her sole
Clashing of symbals, beating of drums,
Her heart in contrast silent, silent.


Stepping into an icy room,
Chill fills body and spirit.
Bracing herself for the final reckoning,
No warmth to be found.


Murmurs and moans gently swelling,
Like an orchestra of emotion.
Ringing and chanting never blocking out
The keening which echoes, echoes.


Clang of metal,
A final hiss in the background.
Closed doors,
An end to Waiting.


[We'll meet again, in an Age many times removed]

A Modern Age With Old Customs

what’s playing::I’m Not In Love – 10cc::
moodflash:: cold & disappointed


It’s the third day today, and I am dreading the coming of the fifth. The melodrama and wailing that wrenches at your heart is imminent and nothing, nothing can be done to avoid it.


All I can do is to harden my heart and preach temperence to myself constantly, as my heart weeps for the living. All I can do is to will an iron veil over my eyes, praying that whatever I see does not get to me. I should think that it’s times like this where being clinical and dispassionate may have its advantages after all.


I do not like tradition and customs. And to you, what disappoints me is that you did not even have the thought of resisting it. And while I know that fighting is futile, the thought that you tried will be calming. Why should I be the only one to protest at this ridiculous arrangement? If I am the only one, then I would rather not protest at all since you don’t. I may be demanding too much, but the occasional pandering to my whims and unspoken expectations would be heart warming. But if it isn’t there, there is nothing much I can do but to harden my heart and bear it stoically.


In today’s Age, what role does tradition have to play in our lives? Traditions that are out-dated, which we adhere to just to make the older generation happy. So I should think it doesn’t really matter what makes us happy at all?


Oh, I do not mean to hurt, and as time passes, I do think I would eventually bury these worrisome thoughts, But for now, let me indulge in the occasional wallowing. And since everything would eventually fase into the obscurity of the past, I would eventually return to normal. It’s just a matter of time, isn’t it?
♥
[Give me the strength to bear the burdens of my heavy heart]

Passing Time

what’s playing::hospital chatter::
moodflash:: subdued


I feel sad, but more for my father.


An unexpected message with an even more alarming content, which whisked away my appetite instantly, and the most unlikely thought filled my mind. A dread feeling seeped into me, chilling me with foreboding.


What should I be feeling?


I don’t know my grandad well. But it is still a dull reminder that all men eventually waste away, in spirit and in body. That living is nothing but a process of dying is a fact that one is aware of, but disregards. Afterall, when you see the hustle and bustle of life in nature and the people around you, you forget that death comes to all, eventually. To see a once strapping young man fade into a shrivelled shodow of what he once was, is a humbling affair. And it makes me feel, appreciate life more.


At first sight, I couldn’t help but feel dispassionate about the whole matter. The people crowding round, with occasional pleas for him to wake up fill the room. But to me, does he want to wake up, really? To face the physical pain strapping him to a mere shell of a body, just to deny Death for a while longer? Last Chinese New Year, we visited him on the first day, and saw that he had laid out my late grandmother’s clothes. As if awaiting her emergence fromher bath, to change into festive-fit clothing. It was a poignant moment, and it seemed to me as if half his soul had already left, left for where she was, while the other half pulling him back and tied him down to this physical world where pain in inevitable, and real. And now, looking at him, I can’t help but feel that perhaps it would be better if this wasn’t such a long drawn affair, if only his pain could just stop, to enable him release. Am I unfilial for thinking so?


It’s Chinese New Year soon, and the relatives are still asking him to awaken, to get well, and to go home for the New Year – to celebrate. But I think, he would be happier if, he could once again see his late wife, and let his soul unite. Pagan believe notwithstanding, but it would be vaguely comforting to believe that in life after the present, he could live happily ever after with the woman he loved.


With the idle chatter surrounding me, from relatives barely known, I cannot help but cringe.


I feel sad, but more for my father.
♥
[It's a last goodbye - for real.]

A Ray of Sunlight

what’s playing::Ouran High School Host Club::
moodflash:: grateful


I know that no matter what falls in the path ahead, I will not be alone to walk the ordeal. It is my wish that in the path that lies ahead of us, we meet only smoothness, and no traffic, no obstacle. And it can’t be done, then I know that we’ll shoulder the Tough together and walk through to the other side, always continuing forth. I can then only be glad that it is you I have for company. For you move me and stand by me like no other, and I love myself all the more, because you do.
♥
[wonderful tonight]

Tickles and Laughter

what’s playing::Gakuen Alice::
moodflash:: happy


It is really amazing how bouts of silliness result in a feeling of warmth so intense it’s like you rapidly gulped down a bowl of hot soup. (Of course, without the agonisingly painful side effect of burning one’s tongue.) And I suppose it’s during these times that one learns to laugh and simply stop thinking of anything mind bogging. But again, for the moment when one lets go of all decorum and join in the jolly rumble, I suppose it would only be possible in the company of Comfort. Where silliness is ok and recipocrated.


Tickles are fun.


And I think it’s a warm fuzzy feeling when you crack a joke or spout a random line which the other completes and responds likewise to. Even if noone else does.


I will conquer The Vicar of Wakefield. I absolutely must. But oh! It’s just like getting started to read Silas Marner all over again. Where by the third page, my eyelids are drooping and my jaws go slack. And then I end up imagining sentences and words on the page that isn’t even there. Amazing. My mind is an illusionist.
♥
[one day apart is indeed trauma]

Uh Oh

what’s playing::Gakuen Alice::
moodflash:: sleepy


Just discovered that my teeth are no longer aligned properly and it’s all because of the silly wisdom teeth that have poked their heads out, crowding out the rest of the teeth. Argh. I don’t have an even smile anymore and that makes me sad.


With Japanese characters alien to me, images of anatomical wonders to ponder over, sensible and romantic poems to pore over, I think I have more than enough on my plate this semester. I can only hope that nothing spills over. As in a buffet, if you take more than you finish, you will be charged for wasting food. Go figure the analogy.


With Ouran High School Host Club, Prince Of Tennis National Championships, Gakuen Alice and X occupying my mind everytime I’m in front of my iBookie, I hope I have the discipline to resist temptation. But judging from how things are looking since school started, I’m not too hopeful. But, here’s to a more disciplined rest of semester!
♥
[Japanese squiggles are incomprehensible]

Cliches, begone!

what’s playing::Doki Doki Waku Waku – 桜蘭高校ホスト部　サントラ&キャラソン集　《前編》::
moodflash:: amazed


You know how at the very start of every semester, there would be that obligatory introductory lecture that we sit through hoping that the lecturer would let us off early? Well, it is inevitable that as the lecturer goes through the course syllabus yada-yada, there will be a point where he/she would warn students against plagarism, an offence which will get us into very deep trouble. And that we shouldn’t even try because they have a software which sniffs out plagarised bits, thus landing us in soup.
Well, as a result of dilligent trawling through the web (since I have nothing else to do. Damn 14AUs!), I stumbled upon the writer’s version of the aforementioned sniffing software! Except that this one helps you sniff out cliches from your writings! So go check it out here.


♥
[nudge a laughter]

Of Ondeh Ondeh and Pictures

what’s playing::Sakura Kiss – Kawabe Chieco::
moodflash:: chirpy


After two lengthy posts that failed continuously to uploat itself despite frantic “refreshing”, I decided to just “not talk to wordpress anymore”. And that line just brought back not-so-fond memories of childhood lingo and norms. And as is with children, I’m talking to WordPress again and all’s fine after the rain blows over. That seems to be the way with everyone isn’t it? The solution – Time.


It’s been an odd week of swelling eyes, runny noses and food poisoning masking itself as indigestion. But I think it is a sign for me not to consume 5 yakults in 3 days. Not very smart perhaps? But what can I say? I was thirsty, and that little bottle of goodness was (I swear!) tempting me every time I so much as looked at the fridge.


I couldn’t help but feel a sense of irritation as I noted that there was a growing habit of STOMP users uploading secretly taken pictures of people committing “anti-social” behavior in public. Nose-digging, putting feet up on empty tain or bus seats, eating on the train, and the overly rehashed topic of not giving seats up to pregnant ladies. (And for some reason, the latter “frowned upon” behavior is usually directed at strapping yound males and not the fairer sex.) So with “citizen journalism” empowering them, “citizen surveillance” comes into play, under the category of “Ugly Commuters” in the forum.


The point here is not to advocate the said anti-social behavior above. Rather, does snapping a picture of the “offenders” and posting them online with a scathing comment, justify the oft-quoted reason of improving awareness of the public? Drawing attention to the uncivilised manners of these unfortunate people unlucky enough to be caught on film? I say not. How does doing so benefit society? The only effect it seems to have is the warning that there are eyes everywhere and that with the advant of technology, misdeeds can easily be brought to attention.


I believe that if the person taking the picture, so offended by the act, was sincere in enculcating manners in society, the right act would be to approach the person and gently but firmly, caution or advise the said offender in the socially accepted ways of behaving. Snapping a picture and condeming it seems just cowardly. Afterall, two wrongs do not make a right, and if one finds that another’s behavior needs correcting, keeping silent would be tantamount to condoning the act. And if the other disregards the “advice”, there’s nothing much to be done but to bemoan the disintegration of society.


Speaking of giving up seats to pregnant women. I would think that that would be a gracious and genteel act. It is not a god-given right, but one that should be accepted with gratitude and equal graciousness. It is not a demand, but a silent request. To bemoan the lack of civilisation in a society or condemn a person for not meeting that expectation seems just petulant. That would be because, courtesy is not practices by everybody and not everyone subscibes to the same social rules one does. Saying that the authorities should do more about such acts of seemingly “anti-social” behavior is naive. Unless one wishes for a totalitarian state. Which I think not.


On a completely unrelated note.


I absolutely love how gula melaka squirts into your mouth when you pop an ondeh ondeh and chew. As the brown sugar syrup erupts, I swear, you would be hard pressed not to experience a thrill of delight that starts from your hair on the tipp of your head, right down to the toenail of your pinky toe. Can you tell yet? I love ondeh ondeh. ♥


[I dreamt of a big round moon. It was not made of cheese.]

Bittersweet

watching::Imagine Me And You – Ol Parker::
moodflash:: bittersweet


If you had a niggling feeling that things weren’t quite right in the Heart’s department, would call off the wedding at the altar, or would you wait and see if that niggling feeling grew, and walk out of a marriage?


I’ve wanted to watch Imagine Me & You for ages, and now that I finally have, the aftertaste isn’t quite what I expected. A movie which seems to encompass the themes of true love, even though the path isn’t always quite what one expects, Imagine Me & You seems to gloss over the details of emotion and reality, and rush to a Happy Ending For Everyone.


A little shallow, but if viewed purely as a chick flick, it’s palatable. Thank-goodness for Matthew Goode who plays Hecktor, the poor guy who comes off worser in this chase of true love, who delivers his role with charm, wit and well delivered one liners.
♥
[goodnight world]

RAH!

watching::Mushi-shi::
moodflash:: annoyed


My brother ate up my sushi!


There were only 3 pieces left by the time I discovered.


ROAR!



Nevermind. At least I still see the Boyfriend and enjoy curry fish head tonight. At least not all my cravings have been disrupted.


School’s a-starting. And the one main thing that makes me happy about it is how I would be close to him once again.
♥
[time flies]