Trials.

what’s playing::Last Quarter – Princess Purin::
moodflash:: worried


Seems like the people around me have been having much trouble. While there is really nothing much I can do but give you moral support, I do hope this will be over soon. Laine & Shu!! You can do it!
♥
[and time goes on]

One Down

what’s playing::Can’t Stop Now – Keane::
moodflash:: ambivalent


I love Keane, they play nice music. Music which can wrap you up in a blanket of words and tunes, transporting you to wherever your mind wants to wander to.


The test is over. Now I have an anecdotal lead to churn up. How oh How?
♥
[bah, humbug]

A Ridiculous Week

what’s playing::Out Of My Mind – James Blunt::
moodflash:: stressed


This has been one hell of week. A emotional roller-coaster was never so nerve-wrecking.


In one week, I have…
1] Received a present from a friend, making my day.
2] Been absolutely consumed with irrational jealousy, spoiling my week.
3] Felt totally accomplished after finishing a run and an essay.
4] Lapse into that all too sickening insecurity and self-doubt.
5] Felt relieved, at getting some contacts.
6] Been steamrolled, resulting in an assignment due 4 days later chucked back at me to re-do.
7] Felt overwhelmed by the things I have to do.
8] Not studies sufficiently for a test for Friday.
9] Skipped two Jap lessons consecutively, adding to my workload.
10] Felt loved, by the one who matters and the ones who matter.


You see, I am aware that most of the predicaments I am in are brought onto myself by myself. I know it, and that makes it worse.


I am tired. I am so damn tired. And I feel old. I feel like a drowning person craving just one last breath of fresh air. As inadequacy (in all sense of the word) threatens me like a silk noose around my neck. And all that is left is for me to take the plunge down.


It has been a long time since I felt so melancholic. It has been a long time since I caved in to a bottling up of senses in me. But sometimes, there’s only so much I can absorb. If breaking makes me weak, then so be it – I am weak.
♥
[Thank YOU, and you, and you and you.]

Sigh.

what’s playing::Are You Gonna Be My Girl – Jet::
moodflash:: green


I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT,I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT,I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT,I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT,I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT,I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT,I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT, I DON’T LIKE, I DON’T WANT!


This sucks and I abosulutely have got to calm myself down to a zen-like state but I am as always quite unable to do that because some things just gall me even though it may seem small to others.


I am superficial, I am vain, I want the whole package of big eyes, slim waist, clear complexion, perfect hair days, a more proportionate nose, a nice mouth. The whole goddam package. Thing is, when I piece all these perfect attributes of self, will be be nothing more than Frankenstine’s monster?
♥
[I want to be the only person in your eyes. A perfect being despite being an imperfect one.]

I feel like a monster eating myself up.

Sweat And Words

what’s playing::Head Over Feet – Alanis Morissette::
moodflash:: accomplished


I finally cut down my essay of 2347 words to 1959. Yaye! I should go buy 4-D.
Pounded the track with another 2.4 and discovered that the track left red dust-like substances on my shoes. Argh. I dun like that. Dirty!


I feel so utterly random now and it simply HAS to occur to me soon that I have trend story to churn up by Monday and a test in two days time to study for. Extra time in a day, anyone?


I wonder why I am so self-absorbed. Maybe that’s why I blog. Self gratification.


I shall do my 224 journal now. It is a dang nuisance to think of what to write, seriously!
♥
[759 words over limit is ACCEPTABLE]

Santarina Came To 203

moodflash:: chirpy::


Everyone likes to receive presents. But what everone would love more, is to receive unexpected presents for no real reason at all. In the form of Shu, Christmas came early (or late, depending on how you view time) and we each got a nicely personalised packaged parcel (alliteration!) just for us! With the amount of time and effort that went into this, I can only say Thank YOU SHUYUN! And finally, instead of just speaking, you did the doing. You’re pretty amazing, and I daresay, we all agree on that.





And I shall endeavour to take your advice to “Don’t Wait For The Ship To Come In, Row Out And Meet It.” Thanks babe. Lotsa.


It’s going to be a trying week ahead of us and I think we’ll get through somehow as we always do.
♥
[a little gift goes a long way]

Nervy

what’s playing::She Hates Me – Puddle Of Mudd::
moodflash:: full of nerves


I tried on a few pairs of spectacle frames today and I’m thinking that it’s time for me to get a new pair. I’ve been having this ridiculous problem of my glasses sliding down my (big) nose when I look down. And as if to make an imprint to remind me of its presense, the spectacles leave red marks on my nose bridge (what nose bridge?) when the contact goes on. Annoying. All the more reason to get new spectacles – spectacles that I would actually go out in I guess?



I miss Daryl and his utter nonsense. The other day I called home and I heard him screeching in the background. Now I certainly do NOT miss that, however, I would like to have him run up to me again and wrap his arms around my leg.


I need inspiration to flow for my trend story.
♥
[Thank YOU.]

1000 words and 2.4km

moodflash::accomplished ::


I ran 2.4km for the first time today! And, though my legs are aching like lead weighing down, I think this felt really good for I never though I could do it. Maybe I will make a habit of this. I can get used to the high from feeling satisfied.


On a totally unrelated note. I absolutely CANNOT believe I went 1000 word over the limit of the dang lit essay. I managed to complete it in one 2 hour sitting, hip hip hooray! But it’s 1000 words ove the limit, What am I going to do? It’s quite ridiculous of Dawson to give us a short word limit despite the question being rather ambiguous, requiring an analysis of 2 novels, and being a literature essay, requiring explanation and substantiation. I don’t know what I am going to do about this word limit thing. But for now, I’m not going to bother to think of it. I finished my work and now I’m all set to finally hit the sack and sleep in for the better part of tomorrow. I think I deserve it, because I did slog in preparation for this shitty assignment.


I think Tiff, Shu, Laine, and Serene can bear testimony to my obsession and worry over the essay. Thank you girls for the lovin’ you give, especially tiff. I feel unjustified whining to you guys because I know you guys have more assignments (numerically and I should think figuratively). So thank you Shu, for saying that my assignment is brain heavy duty and academically-intense, and not kicking my sorry arse when I walked around with a worry and whined every opportunity I got. And thank you tiff for that hug.


To You:
You have been putting up with the nonsense I’ve been giving and my incessant whining. I love you darling. Lots.
Love, me.
♥
[49 days - over.]

HA HA HEE HEE

what’s playing:: Konna ni Chikaku de – Crystal Kay::
moodflash:: laughing my ass off


Lifted this from thegreatsze who in turn lifted this priceless stuff from offbeat enough. Hooray to lifters. Of words, not skirts! Just what was in your mind you dirty old/young man/woman/sheman/thing.

Here’s a prime example of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” offered by an English professor:

The professor told his class one day: “Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me.

“The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students, Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator. “Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…” But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F_KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I’m such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!”

(Rebecca)
Asshole.

(Gary)
Bitch

(Rebecca)
F__K YOU – YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea – whore.

(TEACHER)
A+ – I really liked this one.

Now, why can’t all my assignments be like that? Why? Instead I’m stuck with writing a 1200 essay on “Contrast the ways in which a consciousness of moral issues is depicted in The Vicar of Wakefield and Mansfield Park”. And I think I’m going to have a problem with keeping to the work limit again. The last time I had a word limit on a literature assignment, I almost went 1000 words over limit. I detest word limits! How is it possible to put a leash on opinion anyway? It seems as if there is a limit in our lives for everything we do nowadays. Screw moderation. I think excessiveness should ocassionally be indulged in. Otherwise, just what life do we speak of?


But I digress.


I was actually only going to say that the article thingy made me laugh. So, ha ha ha.


Oh by the way. I regret dumping the newspapers a week ago. I have spent the past hour on my ass on an uncomfortable chair trawling cyberspace for the statistics on how condoms are the preferred contraceptive of choice in Singapore. Singaporean’s preference for other methods of birth control has fallen. So. Where The Hell Are The Statistics?! So much for the power of Cyberspace. Help will be greatly appreciated. Seriously.
♥
[5 days to go ]

Restless Unproductivity

what’s playing::Rainy Days & Mondays – The Carpenters::
moodflash:: unaccomplished




I actually wanted to get hot chocolate, but that was out, so I had to settle for second best. Turns out that while I’m not all that sure about this mocha being freshly brewed, (how can instant coffee claim to be freshly brewed???) I think this tastes quite fine. And there is a decent amount inside the cup so I guess BS803 will see me carrying this cup to lecture again and again as we sit through biology and movies.






Climbed up the stairs from hell today as the boyfriend and I made the ardous trek to SAO. At times like this, I wonder just what the landscaper/architech was thinking, when he decided to place a building right smack at the highest point in NTU. I mean, it’s seriously madness to have such a massively high staircase. It’s a wonder my legs didn’t give way – climbing staircases almost everyday to get to my room gives me practice.


However, the view at the top of the hill is quite something. Of course, all you see is HDB flats, random buildings and more random buildings. But even then, to see far and feel the breeze is pretty rewarding after that ridiculous climb, in hot scorching sun.


Oh, I simply HAVE got to stop using excessive adjectives to bring my point across. I think I just wasted the whole of today. I think I am seeing my life flash by before my eyes as I live. It’s like an out of body experience, where I see and scorn my time wasting, yet not doing anything to correct that.


♥
[8 days to go!]