A Fast Long Week

what’s playing::Beautiful Girls – Sean Kingston::
moodflash:: tired::

By right I have no business feeling as drained as I currently do. Afterall the week was largely spent wasted away to nothingness after the tragedy of mean-median-mode-proportion miscalculations. But tired is the word of the moment. And why am I trying to justify myself? Maybe because I am aware that many people out there go to school, hold 5 tuition assignments per week, and work at Comex. Oh well. Too many of such people exists for me to feel justified in saying I am tired. The word flees from me, lookin for a more worthy owner of its feeling.

I will get down to it. I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I must.
♥
[p.s. I am bewildered, my iBook seems to be attracting way too many ants!]

Statistics is Character

what’s playing::Foundations – Kate Nash::
moodflash:: bookish::

Computer time is cheap these days, so we performed this process of picking 1500 people a million times so we could search for a pattern in the results.

Statisticians, exagerrate. Wildly.
♥
[A sense of humour. Check.]

Reality Check

what’s playing::Breakin’ Dishes – Rihanna::
moodflash:: downcast::

She should finally get herself down to studying the dreaded Statistics, but she’s been mulling over the unnecessary for the past hour or so. It’s a yank down to our hard earth, painful but necessary. She is hence all the more thankful for making the choice to go to the school she did. Otherwise she would never have the chance to meet the people she can truly call friends today. Like T said, it’s quality over quantity. Why then, is it difficult to swallow? She feels an all too familiar sensation of being always the last one to be called on for anything. Just because she didn’t fit, and would never fit.

But at least now she knows that even if the world turns its back on her, there will be at least one who shoulders the burden with her. The gradual presence of more through these years has cast light on a shadow hanging overhead. She just has to learn to appreciate more, love more, and be more real in whatever she does. However, this incident has made her doubt. She hopes what she thinks she has now is not wishful thinking on her part.
♥
[When cracks form, shattering is inevitable.]

Film Week

what’s playing::Shut Up And Drive – Rihanna::
moodflash: lazy::

Heading to the film screening on Thursday led to this sight. And I must say, the dull school looks much more alive at night. Maybe it’s the shadows, the soft lights, and the music pumping from the speakers.

Caught 881 on the same day. And it absolutely blew me away. I liked it so much, I wouldn’t mind watching it over again. For that matter, I’m giving serious thought to getting the dvd when it comes out.

The plot was not fantastic. It was simple and to-the-point. One knew the ending before the show barely started. It was the combination of good directing, precise cinematography, elaborate scenes and acting chops of the stars that made the show a success. It seemed to me a local version of Moulin Rouge. I loved the fact that the songs added more dimension to the ongoing plot, and that the same song could be used aptly and in such contrast for different scenes. Perhaps I’m reading too much into the film, for I thought the film was more than about getai in Singapore. But I will not malu myself by discussing my ideas about the film anymore. People will just point at me and say “intellectual poseur!”. Royston Tan is one smart and heck of a damn good filmmaker.

So here are some movie stills, from the promotional website.

These ladies hold their own.

As do these ladies.



Feller who is mute, but narrates while caressing his cock. Literally.



These two aren’t related by blood. But it seems sisterhood goes beyond blood.





I think it’s amazing when an actress goes the length for a movie role. Even better that she still looks funky in her shaved head.

The ultimate dive.


And while Mindee Ong is gorgeous like heck, do note that Yeo Yann Yann holds her own as well. I really loved her acting in Singapore Dreaming and immediately wanted to watch 881 once I saw she was in it. Kudos!

I must admit. This movie made me sob. Maybe you need a heart of stone not to be moved by this film. Yet, I cannot pinpoint what it was about the film that moved me so.
♥
[Back to media economics.]

Fundamentalism.

what’s playing::Umbrella – Rihanna::
moodflash:: disturbed::

I’m feeling disturbed. Read in Straits Times that a movie Jesus Camp has been released this week. The review made me uneasy, and a little research (wikipedia!) made me downright rattled. It’s a documentary about evangelical culture in America, the charismatic church, condensed. With an aim of wanting to return America to conservative values, the movement reminds me of the early culture of puritanism in America.

Nominated for an Oscar in “Best Documentary Feature”. I wonder how the intended message got through to audiences.

A movie still. And these are children.

Do these children really know what they are saying, what they are told?

They’re as usual, amongst other things, strongly pro-life, and anti-homosexualism. “SIN!” they cry out with one voice – children, mind you. I doubt the propriety in exposing young children the age of six to strong anti-abortion pictures featuring foetuses and what-not. Does not such a camp sound like severe brainwashing to you?

Children saying non-charismatic churches as “dead churches” that God does not like to go to? Now that’s a new insight into the joke that is the division of the Christian faith.

And this was shot as a documentary, without agenda. So what does it portray? If interested, find out more here. Sometimes, Wikipedia is helpful and thorough enough.
♥
[When religion carries agenda, it's a crying shame.]

I Fall In …

what’s playing::Live Like You Were Dying – Tim McGraw::
moodflash:: sleepy::

I fall in love with songs all the time. Songs that I have not heard in eons, which suddenly pop up on my iPod mini shuffle list. Today’s new-old love is the above song. And as I undergo a mind-numbing wait for 179, Tim croons into my ear, saying “some day I hope you get the chance to live like you were dyin’“.

Funny innit? We walk through life with our heads bowed down, our eyes unseeing, our ears closed to the sounds of life around us, our hearts hardened to childhood wishes and whimsical dreams. And the beauty of nature and human nature goes unheeded, as our minds focus on the ultimately immaterial material.

He said I was in my early forties, with a lot of life before me
And one moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays
Talking bout’ the options and talking bout’ sweet times.
I asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end
How’s it hit ‘cha when you get that kind of news?
Man what did ya do?
He said

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I’d been denyin’
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin’

He said I was finally the husband, that most the time I wasn’t
And I became a friend, a friend would like to have
And all of a sudden goin’ fishin, wasn’t such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
Well I finally read the good book, and I took a good long hard look
At what I’d do if I could do it all again

Like tomorrow was the end
And ya got eternity to think about what to do with it
What should you do with it
What can I do with it
What would I do with it

The journey of live is merely a euphemism for a journey to death. And looking at things from that perspective, it seems that I should finally learn to stop sweating the small stuff, and just appreciate the little, but the precious that I do have.

Just went through a random bunch of pictures on my computer (which hung 3 times on me today. iBookie – what happened?!)

We’re one person short here. I’m really fond of these ladies. Consisting of three small-ones and three big-ones. How proportionate!

The said missing person. Who was santarina last semester and pulled another santarina stunt on monday. How heartening it was, for such thoughtfulness! One moment a sms read “Got food for you guys! Don’t eat rubbish!”, the next, our resident santarina popped up with a bagful of subway. Thanks for feeding us babe, you are the key to the Save-CRpeople-From-Disappearing fund.

I really enjoyed staying with this one. And I hope we can do so again, so that I will never be late for classes. Running around for tuition all day, it’s hard to see you catching a breather, you know. You make me feel lazy.

You will not disappear, I assure you that. Even if it means I will have to force-feed you with chocolate and energy bars aplenty as we suffer through 6 hours every monday together. We can do it babe, whatever lies in store. Drink a little Red-Bull and I promise you, your energy bar will read green for 3 days in a row.

And I want to go back to that land with you. Actually, I want to go anywhere and everywhere with you.

Today was mildly amusing. I found that Tribune writes a >100 word lead that would make Hedwig flip over 10 times. Frequently. I found that Tribune writers think NTU males are gays because the males freshly out from NS would be intoxicated by the heady scent of testosterone. And that was a quote, believe it or not.
♥
[It's the little things in life.]

You

what’s playing::You – Jaci Velasquez::
moodflash:: studying

I’m falling in love with this song all over again.

Who makes
The sun light up my shadows
When the darkness tries to follow me

Who makes
The air that bring me life
So I can breathe the love that’s given to me

You make everything good
Everything wonderful
You grace my days
And heaven fills my view
Let’s forever sing
You make everything pure
Everything beautiful
You make me see the only thing that’s true
It’s you

Who makes
The waters of my sorrow part
And leads the gladness into my heart

Who makes
The rivers run that wash away
And clean my soul to make a new start

You hung the moon
You placed the stars that shine your love for me
I hope all that I do
Will show reflections of you.

Funny how this song can be read in so many contexts, not just the literal. And it’s all about the gratitude, the love, the ernestness. For the lover, for the friends, for the parents, and if you believe, for God. Sometimes, life is more than just about what’s written on paper. It’s the intention of what is written on paper.
♥
[Who would you be?]

Maybe Someday

what’s playing::You – Jaci Velasquez::
moodflash:: thoughtful::

Maybe someday I will find the answers to all my questions, and dare to finally take the leap of faith. But until I do find the answers I’m looking for, I wonder if that means I’m filled with nothing but a very human sense of self-reliance.

If one cannot yet fully belief because one can not (and can never) fully understand, then one is unable to even belief at all. But the brother says there’s a limit to human intellect, that man’s mind is still ultimately finite. And that if one only focuses on questions and searching for answers, then one may be left with nothing at all at the end of one’s journey.

So what happens to the man who’s on a perpetual quest for understanding?
♥
[A journey that comes one full circle, at the end of the day.]

Laziness

what’s playing::Konna Ni Chikaku De – Crystal Kay::
moodflash:: pensive::

It’s amazing. I try to absorb the wonders of The Supply of Programming and by page 3, my eyelids droop, my jaws slacken, and my mind fades into the fantasy of dreams.

I was feeling starved of conversation when a particular one came in handy, inducing in me catharsis. Nothing feels better than the release of honest and true conversation. And the feeling that the other is listening, listening and listening.

I never liked projects because I never had good project groups. But I foresee an enjoyable one coming up, simply because the people are genuine and frank. They neither make me feel odd nor ungainly.

I may end up seeing less of certain people in my life. And more of certain one this semester. Either way I hope I continue to discover more, and bond deep.

Studying at home makes me susceptible to the bed because I am wont to sprawl across it, reading. But not studying at home makes me feel the twinge of guilt for not being around.

I never wanted to be elitist though I subscribe to an elitist mentality at times. But I would never look down on others based on supposed academic superiority. Simply because a person’s worth is built on more than intellect.

I must constantly remember that I am no longer the 15-year-old adolescent who felt as if all eyes were on here, disapproving and judgemental. I must therefore constantly remember that I no longer need to feel the need to prove myself to the others that are now no longer in my circle.

I must give up a mindless pursuit for perfection, prestige because these do not define my self-worth. And it has taken me a long time to face up to this.

This has been an odd, random post. But some things I just need to get off my chest.

Food and Books go together.

This is apt.
♥
[bits and pieces]

Chicken Essense Please?

what’s playing::Clumsy – Fergie::
moodflash:: drained::

It’s only the second of 13 weeks this semester and I am already feeling drained. Sometimes I wish I was an energiser bunny whose diet is Red Bull. But it doesn’t seem that way, and work hasn’t even piled in yet. Now THAT is just pathatic. I think it’s the weather and crazy 6 hours straight of lectures.

Not staying in hall is really a bummer. The HAS is just fucked up and that seems to be the modus operandi in NTU. With many people on waitlist, chances are slim and I do not like that prospect.

I’m worried for this semester. It is going to be the hardest semester yet and I’m not so sure I can pull through it unscathed. I just hope that inborn tenacity kicks in and sustains me as these 13 weeks pass me by.

To you,
If it wasn’t for you by my side, would I have collapsed long ago? Likely.
Love, me.
♥
[I will survive]